Amazing Grace

I haven't posted in a while...the reason being I'm now back in America. I've wrestled with what to write as a final post; I've had a billion things I've been processing. But I finally settled on one.
Grace.
I've always viewed grace basically as God taking away our sin, forgiving us for things we absolutely do not deserve forgiveness for. That is largely what grace is. So my view has been correct. However, I'm learning that my view is broadening.
My nephew was admitted to the ER when he was six days old. My entire family was freaking out. When I heard about it, I immediately changed my flight from May to February. I was leaving only halfway into the trip. And that made me freak out just as much as knowing my nephew could potentially have a fatal disease. I was so afraid to disobey or disappoint God if He wanted me to stay. I knew grace covered my sin. But grace to make a "mistake" and my life not be ruined? For some reason I've gone 27 years and never learned that lesson from God.
I've always worked really hard to not make mistakes, to do what He tells me to do. The thought of possibly not staying if I was supposed to made me crazy.
So I got on the plane, talking to God the whole time about how I didn't know if it was the right decision to make.
God talked back. He taught me grace. I was free to leave; I was free to stay. He loves me the same. He'll work His plan and will the same. I wasn't catching Him off guard by the decision. I didn't cause Him to suddenly have to alter His plans for the people of India or for my future because I didn't stay. He'll accomplish His purpose regardless.
I've never quite experienced this freedom, this grace. Grace is favor from God, undeserved favor. As His child I can't lose that favor, nor can I earn it. Its a gift. Its undeserved. Its free. Its amazing.

The Battle of Religions

There were two very interesting events that happened yesterday.
The first is going to a new church plant. We took a rough four hour voyage to a poor village area. The church consisted of around 25 people or so, all sitting on the concrete floor in one small room that is part of someone's house. Several women got up and shared their story of converting from Hinduism to Christianity. Clasping a Bible and with tears of gratitude, they talked of how Jesus had changed their lives.
On the way home we passed a caravan of around 250 cars and buses full of people going to the Southern tip of India for a Hindu rally. The 250 vehicles were from our area of India alone, not to mention the other parts of the state. So all-together there were thousands of people attending this event. Pastor Banuel said that not only do they celebrate their gods during this rally, but they do chants that put down Jesus and Allah. Clearly a lot of Christians and Muslims do not appreciate this, and lots of fights ensue.
It seems like religion around here often becomes a battle of, "My God (god) is better than yours." And like I said, a lot of Christians jump in this battle also.
As I was sitting in the car thinking about the arguing and fighting between the different religious groups, I couldn't help but think about the women I had seen that morning.
Tears streaming down their faces, speaking of the hope they found in Jesus, a hope they did not find in Hinduism. Thousands of Hindus can rally and speak against Him. But in the long run, the sincere testimony of a poverty-stricken lady in South India is argument enough. Jesus changes lives. He's the hope of the world. And that hope needs to be shared, not battled over.

Blue Devils, Dr. Suess, and A Baby

Sometimes I get sad over silly little things that I'm "giving up" by being here. Apparently I missed a historical basketball game between Duke and UNC yesterday. Duke came out on top by a buzzard beater, so at least I have that to be happy about. Go Blue Devils. :)
Or I noticed that they made a movie about Dr. Suess' "The Lorax" which comes out in March. That's hands down my favorite Dr. Suess story.
And then there's things that actually are important, like my sister having a baby! That really is an epic event to miss. Its one thing to not see a basketball game that I probably wouldn't even think about the next day, but to miss seeing my nephew, that's a different story.
Is this worth it? Not getting to see Tristan until he's 3 months old has caused me to really think about that question. And I've come to a conclusion...
The past couple of days in school I've been sharing the gospel in classrooms. I cut out construction paper in different shapes to represent salvation. Kind of a version of the color method where you use colored beads on a bracelet. Anyway, its been really exciting. A few of the kids are Hindu, the majority are Christian, but even then I don't know that they have all actually heard the gospel. You know, sometimes people just assume that because a kid's family is Christian that they understand what Jesus did and are walking with Him.
I don't know if any will start following Jesus because of me showing them that a black heart can turn into a white heart because of Jesus. But I sincerely do believe that I'm in India because God sent me here. And He wants to draw children and adults alike to Himself. I pray He's doing that while I'm here.
So because I'm walking in obedience to my God and because I'm having the chance to share a message with Indians that can change their lives for eternity, its a crazy thing to actually say, but I'll give up anything to do it. Of course I'll give up a movie about Tuffula Trees and Thneads, but I'm serious enough about following Jesus that I'll give up not seeing Tristan. (But man am I going to make up for it when I get home. He's gonna be sick of me probably. haha).
Luke 14:25-27, "Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." There's a cost to follow Him. And yes, this is worth it.

Wedding

I just really need to share some pictures from Allen and Gypsa's wedding. I'm telling you, it was unbelievable.

Allen's side met at the Banuel's house; then, we caravaned to the auditorium for the ceremony. There was a long procession of vehicles, especially several buses full of people.

Gispa had on a total of 3 pounds of gold. We did the math and figured it was worth $40,000! I couldn't afford an Indian wedding.

At the reception, the couple sat on thrones and people would come to give them gifts and greet them. There was a videographer and photographer who would then capture the moment with each person who came.

This picture makes me laugh. Reason number one: Indians rarely smile in pictures, so I was trying to be like them. haha. Number two: I had to go to my friend Santhi's house to have her help me put on my dress. Its way complicated to wear a Sari. And reason number three that this is funny: I look like an amazon woman.

One of several meals I ate during the 3-day celebration. Served on banana leaves, eaten with your hands, and delish. :) They estimated that around 10,000 people ate total. That is correct. 10,000! They all come and go for three days, so there's just always a steady stream of people.

Several pastors from the U.S. came to conduct the ceremony, meaning the messages were in English. I could understand! (And btw one of the pastor's is around 6'9". I thought I look tall here. haha. It was so entertaining to see people's reactions when they saw him.)

Feeling Full

I feel so full. (I'm refering to emotionally, but after I wrote that sentence I realized that physically applies also. haha) Allen and Gipsa's wedding was Monday morning. It was so amazing. I don't even know how to describe all of it. The best word I have is extravagant. Anyway, we did eat non-stop for days, which is why I can say I'm physically full. But even beyond that, I feel like I have a hope and vision for this trip that I've been trying to grasp since I've been here. One of the pastor's visiting here from the U.S. was asking me about my time here. Somehow we got on that I'd love to do a Bible study with some of the women, but the language barrier is such a wall. They don't know English well enough nor do I know a woman who can translate. He suggested Gipsa.
I met her three times before the wedding. (Ironic because Allen only met her once for like 2 minutes! He was asking me one day how tall she was. Blows my mind.) We have never had a deep conversation or anything, but she's one of those people that I feel a deep connection with right off the bat. And honestly I haven't connected like that very much since being here. I've been excited about her moving into the Banuel's house.
All of that to say the idea of leading a Bible study with her makes so much sense and is really exciting to me. I've been dying to do something like that, and she can help me do it (She's an English Lit. major. woohoo!). Plus, her new husband will eventually take over his dad's ministry, which she will also be a large part of. I don't imagine that she's done anything like lead a women's Bible study before, so maybe this is an opportunity for me to show her how. Like I said, I'm so grateful to feel like maybe I'm seeing a glimpse into God's purpose in having me here. I'm certainly going to be praying about it all.

Difficult Language

I have come to the conclusion that next to Adam and Eve's original sin, the worst thing to ever happen in history is the Tower of Babel. Why in the world do we have to speak different languages?!

There are several Americans visiting this week for Allen's wedding on Monday. One of them told me today that he read that Tamil is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn. O great. I would pick the one state in India that speaks Tamil.

I've made some progress with the language. My friend Santhi in the school office told me I've learned much more than any other American who's helped at the school. So that's encouraging. But I still really only know a few basics. I can by no means carry on a conversation. I tried to learn a new Tamil song today and found myself constantly tongue-tied.

Just as a fun fact: Tamil consists of over 200 written characters. I can't even speak it, much less write it!

Anyway, as frustrating as it can be (I have so many times when I'm like, "I really wish I could talk to you!"), it has been an area where I've really had to rely on the Lord. I'm having to be extra creative and intentional with my actions. In the long run its probably making me an even better communicator because I have to think so hard about what I'm saying, even in English because of accents and word usage.

Oh, the best part though is sometimes people who know I can't speak Tamil talk to me like I'm deaf. They just make motions to me and move their mouths. That always makes me laugh. So there's always an entertaining side to every frustrating situation. :)

Children's Home Adventure

I just got back from spending a couple of days at the children's home. It was probably the most adventurous experience I've had since I've been here. I feel the need to just share a few scenes that occurred:

*I'm wearing an Indian dress, sitting in the dirt, flies swarming my feet, and I'm painting little girls' toenails.

*I open the bedroom door to see a mouse scurry across the floor. I think I've mentioned before that I have no fear as long as its a rodent and not a giant arachnid. So that's a plus.

*The next night there's a massive roach on the bathroom wall. The bathroom, by the way, consists of a squatty-potty, a faucet, and a bucket.

*The same night I walk in the room and have the thought, "I hope that mouse wouldn't get in my unzipped suitcase." Well, I'm prophetic. I opened it and calmly said, "Oh, yep, there he is..." as he hurriedly ran away.

*I couldn't brush my teeth after that because the mouse pooped on my toothbrush that was inside my suitcase.

*I go out to eat with the family who oversee the children's home. They're hands down my favorite family that I've met. Love them! On the way home we stop at a supermarket. The daughter is looking at perfume, which I comment on. This causes them to insist I pick one out for them to buy me. I don't really even wear perfume much, but I guess I'll start.

Sometimes I think, "Is the real life? Is this actually happening right now?" Sometimes I laugh hysterically. Sometimes I'm annoyed. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I think, "What is this doing for God's Kingdom?" All the time I can't help but believe that God really does have a reason for it all. That's often the only thing that pushes me forward. Hope is a great thing.

Bribing God

There is a Catholic church across the street from where I'm staying. Last night they had a special outside service. I could watch some of it from my roof. Allen told me that that particular church is famous for God answering your prayers if you bring something to the church as a gift, such as gold or money. Interesting.

In the city of Trivandrum there is a famous Hindu temple that has billions of dollars worth of gold that has been offered there. Also interesting.

The concept of bribing God seems ridiculous to me. How could you actually bring enough money to even matter to Him? And what good does money or gold do to sit beside an idol? Is the idol gonna use it? Those were my initial thoughts. Then, I realized that I can often have the same mind-set.

If I'm not careful, I can get the attitude that doing good things causes God to owe me something. If I'm a good person, I earn His blessing. If I'm not a good person, I don't deserve His blessing. But that's not how God operates.

A few years ago I heard the song, "Hate Me" by Blue October. Its pretty random that I heard it and even more random that I really liked it. Blue October doesn't exactly play the type of music I usually listen to. Anyway, I was bored today and looking up videos on YouTube. I don't know why "Hate Me" came to my mind, but I watched the music video. The basic premise is that he wants his mom to hate him because of all that he has put her through. But she won't stop loving him. There are some powerful images in the video, even one time her holding him while he's passed out on the ground from some kind of substance abuse. Or he's going on a date and they're both completely gothed out; his mom is taking a picture of them as if they're both dressed in formal attire. Like I said, I typically wouldn't endorse this band, but for some reason this song is so powerful to me.

A parent doesn't just love and take care of a "good" child; they also love and take care of a rebellious child. They just might do it in the midst of pain over the child's decisions.

God is like this.

"...He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matthew 5:45

He loves unconditionally. He whole purpose that Jesus came was to save us because we couldn't be "good" enough to save ourselves. God relates to us with grace, not based on our accomplishments.

I can't bring enough gold to get His attention, nor can I withhold enough gold to make Him never listen to my prayers. He hears me because He loves me. He listens to me because I'm His child, not because I was good enough that particular day.

Bathing Elephants

Any time I see an elephant, I absolutely flip out. There's something so enchanting about seeing

such a massive creature walking around as part of every day life here. Its one thing to see one in the zoo where you expect it, but to see it being used to carry lumber is just amazing to me. Well, today topped it all. We went to a waterfall. Guess who was getting bathed in the water? Not just one, but three of those guys! Amazing. I took a billion pictures and got close enough to one that I could have touched him. The men who own them take them to the river to bathe them. Its so interesting how obedient the elephants are. They have no clue that they simply could sit on anyone in their way; instead, they comply to their owner's demands. (Lesson in submission?) Posted some pics and a video of the sighting today.

Rupees? Nah. Toys!

I went back to the ocean today. Its at the very tip of India where three bodies of water meet: The Bay of Bengal, the Indian Ocean, and the Arabian Sea. Its amazing. And its also a huge tourist attraction. Apparently there's like 100,000 people who visit that area every day. Since there's so many people in and out of the city, there are a lot of people who come to beg, including some children.

Most of them are unkept with dirty faces, messy hair and no shoes. They'll come right up to you, asking for rupees and will even follow you around. The difficult part about this besides them being ridiculously precious, is knowing that they are likely just being used. Who's gonna say no to a tiny, poor Indian child? So their parents send them out. What's interesting is even in the slums in Calcutta most of the kids were clean and "put together." Generally, Indians take pride in their self-image. That makes it even more sad to me because you know their parents want them to be disorderly so they seem more needy.

Anyway, after observing them last time and knowing that giving them money doesn't really help, but my heart still being sad for them, I had the idea to bring toys today. It was fun. I just had a few matchbox cars and a few other items. One girl came up to me, so I handed her a present instead of money, which she was very excited about. I didn't think about how that could create a little havoc once the word got around. haha. It wasn't too bad though. I only got bombarded once and praise the Lord had enough things to give away.

Shout out to Denise Meyer and the sweet girls from our fourth grade Bible study last year for sending the toys and gifts to me! It was so wonderful to give them something that I knew they could have fun with and not turn around and give an adult who is just using them to make money.

Praise the Lord for a really good day. :)

Two Months and Still Freaking Out

Well, I've officially reached the two month mark. One would think that I should be completely settled by this point, and largely I am. However, the past couple days I've been freaking out, not as bad as at the beginning, but having that overwhelming feeling of, "I can't do this for another four months." Having other Americans here for a few days was a huge blessing, but in a way its made things tough now that they've left. I really enjoyed having someone living here with me and not spending the majority of my time outside of school and church by myself. Hence why I've been freaking out again because I'm reminded of how difficult it is for me to be alone so much. (Life would be much easier here if I was an introvert. haha).

I didn't spend as much time in prayer and in the Bible the past few days. Today I really got into some passages that spoke so much hope to me. I really need Jesus. Reading the Word of God literally is like food that keeps me going. There's no chance I'd make it without being able to read and believe God's truth. I know He'll sustain me and guide me while I'm here. And I'm also reminded of having an eternal perspective, which makes going through any difficult situation worth it. There's hope on the other side.

One thing I'm really praying for (and any of you praying folks can join me) is for creative ideas on how to share the gospel at school as well as in the community. Its tough with the language barrier, so I've been heavily leaning on showing Jesus' love, but I really have a burden to verbally teach His truth. Anyway, just praying for wisdom and creativity.

Adopting Culture

Today I had a little girl come up to me at a juice stand/convenient store. She asked me my name. I answered and then asked her a few questions. I asked her where she was from. She looked at me inquisitively at first, so I quickly changed the question to, "Where is your place?" She answered by telling me the name of her city.

That seems like a random story, but it actually made me very excited. I've tried really hard to observe Indian culture and adopt it as much as possible. I bob my head from side to side in conversation; I'm firm when I say no; I greet people with my hands folded; I eat and drink whatever they serve me. And I realized today that I phrased the question to find out where the little girl lived based on the way I've been asked it by Indian children. I don't think she would have understood me if I didn't know how to rephrase the question.

There have been two American pastors and one of their wives here the past few days. Its been refreshing to have someone here who not only speaks English with a non-Indian accent, but who has my cultural background! It was so interesting, though, to compare myself to them as far as interacting with Indians. They shake hands with people, they speak English to people who clearly have no clue what they're saying, they use a fork when they eat. That's the way we do it in American culture, so unless you have a period of time to soak in Indian culture, you wouldn't know that that is not the way they do things.

I really do want to connect to the people around me as much as possible while I'm here. And it looks like having been here for a couple of months is actually paying off as far as understanding the people around me. I'm so grateful to look back and see that God has graced me to be able to make progress!

Safe in His Arms

Yesterday we drove by a family on a motor bike. Its a pretty normal occurence to see a dad driving with a child in his lap and a mother holding onto him with one arm and a baby with the other. This was a little different, though, because the small girl that the dad was holding was knocked out sleeping. Her head was just resting on his arm while he drove.

That is the most beautiful example of safety and trust I've ever seen.

She had no thought for going 50 mph down a narrow road full of potholes with huge buses coming the other direction, vehicles passing at will, horns blowing, dogs running out into the street. She was asleep in her father's arms, content and safe.

I don't think I even have to expound very much on this analogy. I just imagine God whispering that He's that Father. All we have to do is rest, content and safe in His arms without a fear or care of the dangers surrounding us.

Psalm 23:1,4, "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want...Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Competition Day

Today at school was competition day. The first part of the day some of the students gave speeches that were judged (I got to be a judge for 10th grade), and the rest of the day they participated in sports. I'm very glad they had a chance to get out and run off some of their energy. They get kind of restless in the classroom. For example, I was with fourth graders yesterday and was writing something on the board. I look over and one boy, Dennis, is literally doing a handstand in the front of the classroom. Definitely too much energy. So like I said, I think today was good for them.

I thought I'd share a few videos that I took. It was definitely an entertaining day.

The younger students kept getting up on the mic, saying around one sentence, then pausing. Everyone would start clapping even though the kid was nowhere near done. Since he/she was nervous and couldn't remember any more and since the other students were applauding, the speaker would say, "Thank you," and leave the stage. At least they left encouraged even if it didn't go as planned.

The smaller kids played little games while the older ones had races.

The girls' races had something to do with threading a needle before they could run. That's why they don't all leave at the same time because some took longer with the needle.

I'm amazed that they run with bare feet.

One of my favorite moments of this trip happened today. I was talking with a few teachers. We were just standing there while the students were playing games. They asked me if I wanted to sit down. They are always very concerned if I stand up very long. I told them no, I was fine. One of them went and grabbed a chair for me. Sometimes it doesn't really matter if I say no. :) So I sat down. A couple little girls who were not participating in the games pulled up chairs beside me. In a few minutes I looked around and there was a group of precious girls completely encircling me. It was just a sweet moment.

Just a Couple Great Quotes

A couple great quotes from the neighborhood boys I have befriended (BTW I'm the first American they've ever met. That's so crazy to me):

"Do you use cream to make your skin so white?"

"Why are you not married? Indian girls marry at like 21. By the next time you come here, we expect you to be married and have four babies. We will hold them and sing them a lullaby."

A little girl at school today commented on how much she likes my sleeves. I am dying laughing even as I write this. I went home and actually looked in the mirror. My dress has puffy sleeves, sparkly flowers, and sequins. I for some reason have not really thought about what clothes I am wearing here. There is no chance I would ever wear this in the U.S. It took her pointing it out for me to actually think about it. But apparently they like it, so "When in Rome..."

You Don't Speak Southern American?

I have spent basically every class period with students for the past two days! I didn't handle a computer, an iPhone, or any other electronics at all! The principal has started assigning me to certain classes for part of the day, so I've actually been teaching, not just making balloons and playing games. I'm doing things a little out of the box for India, but the kids sure enjoy it. I was teaching fifth grade English and they had vocabulary words, so we played Hangman on the chalkboard to find out what the word was; then, I would explain it. I'm also pretty animated while I teach and for sure make faces that the other teachers would never think of making, but it makes it more fun for them and me, and I think they actually are learning something. Hopefully, anyway.

One issue I'm finding is the students read and memorize English, but most of them don't actually comprehend it, so I don't know if they get what I'm teaching or not. I often ask if they understand. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. I'm sure I'll get better at reading them.

Another issue is my accent. Indian English and Southern American English are quite different. haha. Today, I found myself speaking with an Indian accent so the students could understand me. By the end of the day, I couldn't stop. I was trying to carry on conversations with a couple of friends, and I couldn't snap out of it. I had to laugh at myself.

During free periods I'm still making balloons for the classes I missed before Christmas. Today the boys were crowding all around me and asking questions and touching the balloons and driving me crazy while I was trying to make balloons for the girls. I said some things like, "Y'all are driving me absolutely nuts, and I'm about to go insane right now." (Yes, I used the phrase "y'all"). Then, I would bust out laughing because they have no idea what I'm saying. I'm finding this to be the advantage to them not fully comprehending English. I don't know why I find that to be so entertaining. I'm sure they can somewhat tell by my face what I'm communicating at least. Praise the Lord things seem to be getting so much better. My heart is very encouraged!

New Friends

A few things that are noteworthy:

1. There is a huge rat I discovered today on top of one of my windowpanes. This is pretty unfortunate, but at least I'm not living alone anymore. Also, I don't find rodents to be nearly as scary as spiders, so that's a plus.

2. I have a new group of friends. There are some neighborhood boys who realized I am living here. They drop by periodically to talk at the gate (a couple are really fluent in English). They invited themselves inside today, so I showed them Facebook pictures of my family, friends and kamp. They were very entertained, and I was very glad for the company. Its much better to hang out with people over my new rodent friend. Oh, and this won't be relevant to everyone, but the boys asked me if I have a nickname, so I told them LJ. That is now what they are calling me. K-Kountry represent!

3. I was talking to Allen Banuel last night. Most Sundays I go to the church that he pastors. He was telling me that people warned him before taking the church that there are "spirits" connected to it, basically some kind of curse. He said he ignored it, but in the three years that he's been the pastor, he has been deathly ill several times. This was a huge wake-up call for me. I haven't really mentioned the spiritual feel of this country, but the best way to explain it is "thick." You can just feel the spiritual realm here. Basically, since the country is based in Hinduism and worship of idols, there's a spiritual openness that isn't as present in other countries. I was just reminded of the "war" that is constantly going on, not a physical war.

"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evel in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12. There is a spiritual struggle.

I'm telling you, followers of Jesus in India have to be on top of things. I respect their faith so much.

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18. I have been reminded how very important prayer is. Actually, not just important. It is vital.