Not My Home

A couple of nights ago I kept hearing men singing and a drum pounding. At first I just assumed it was coming from a temple, then I realized it wasn't the typical music I hear most mornings and nights. I walked out on my balcony and looked down the street just in time to see a group of Indians rounding the corner and stopping at a house. It reminded me of Christmas caroling, only with a drum and I doubt that they were singing about Christ's birth. Regardless of their purpose, it was the first night that I walked out on my balcony. The first time I think I've really stopped to just enjoy India.

I came to the realization yesterday, really via a conversation with my brother, that I have to embrace this culture. I have not done that. I've had a lot of pre-conceived ideas of what I thought this would be like, mixed with my own American cultural perspectives. I'm having to let go of how I thought Indians live and start with an empty slate. I'm coming now with no expectations and embracing what I observe and learn right now about them. I'm also having to let go of my own culture. I'm very task oriented; this culture is definitely not task oriented. And I thought I understood that, but I think its been very hard for me to embrace. So I'm learning to embrace how they live and letting go of how I've lived for the past 27 years. Its incredible how much that is allowing me to finally be "all here", instead of counting down the days I have to "endure" this. I'm also realizing that I had this deep fear of fully embracing the Indian way of life because that means giving up my American way of life. I'm afraid to not be "relevant" when I go home if I change too much here. I shared that fear with my brother. He has a way of telling you what you need to hear, not want you want to hear and doing it in a very direct way. I'm so grateful for that! He flat out told me that I am ultimately not an American, but a Christian. I'm living life with Indians right now. My Christian community is Indian believers, not American. Jonathan saying those words knocked me out of this funk I've been in. Since when did I start basing how I live on my culture anyway?! I base my life on the Bible! And some things about my American culture that I want to hold onto probably don't line up with Scripture, so I need to change. And the parts about Indian culture that don't line up with Scripture are things I shouldn't embrace. I still want to be "in the world," therefore be a part of whatever world is around me, whether that's an Indian or American world. But I can't be "of the world." So on some level I should stand out no matter what culture I'm in. I'm just praying for wisdom on what to embrace and what not to embrace. Regardless of what things change about me, I cannot let my American heritage determine any change. Because ultimately I'm not an American (or an Indian for that matter). I'm a follower of Jesus, and this earth is not my home.

"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers of earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country-a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them." Hebrews 11:13-16

Can that be Arranged?

Today is one of those days that I have a billion things going on in my brain and am really struggling to decide what to write about. I think I'm going to force myself to settle on two subjects: kids at school and arranged marriages. Clearly unrelated, but both interesting. :)
I'm so encouraged by the relational side of things at school! I finally came to the conclusion that the Indians in this area just never see foreigners, so its taken them a while to warm up to me. Well, something snapped today in the kids. I work at a summer camp where I deal with hundreds of children on a daily basis, and I just get used to being touched and hearing my name every five seconds. That is exactly the feeling I'm starting to get. They're getting comfortable enough with me now to come up to me, and when one comes up, dozens do! By the way, the school consists of around 800 students, so they literally could trample me if I'm not careful. They've been inviting me to their classes, shaking my hand, asking me in their sweet Indian accents "Vat ees yoor name?" To which I answer, "My name es Jana."
I've been to a few classes. The older ones are much harder because they have a set curriculum that I have no idea about (at least its in English), so I feel a bit lost as to what to teach them. I've decided I'm a terrible schoolteacher anyway because my camp roots come out, and I like to play rather than have to keep order in a classroom. So I do much better with the little ones because I can teach them silly songs. (I did play "sit down if" with an older class. Shout out to K-Kountry girl's pow-wow). Basically, I'm trying to figure out how to contribute on an acedemic level, and in the mean time build relationships. Its fun for sure!
Subject number two: arranged marriages. The pastor's son yesterday informs me that it was decided this past Friday who his wife will be, and they will be married in January. Its arranged. That's pretty much the only way its done here. And I spent a good bit of time with the teachers in training today. (LOVE them). We talked about marriage a lot. A few of them asked when I was going to get married. I don't have a great answer for that, especially in this culture because they basically just decide when they want to get married, and it is arranged. I don't know the typical time frame to find someone, but I guess their parents just start looking. Its such a foreign concept to westerners, but its the way most of the world has done it since the world began! So I'm trying to explain to them that I have to find the "right guy," and therefore can't set a time frame. So interesting to me.
Now I'm sure that it may not be as simple as it sounds. There are probably some people here who never can get anything arranged for whatever reason. Maybe the process can take a while. I'm definitely no expert on how it works. But I really can't help but think that maybe we actually do it "wrong" in the west. (Please don't think that I'm ready to have it arranged though. I'm waaaaay too American to do that). It just makes me ponder it all. Here is one amazing thing, though, even if we are doing it "wrong" by dating and not just arranging marriages. I was listening to a pod cast from my church in Memphis from this past Sunday. Christ Bennett is the pastor, and he was talking about singleness. I've never heard anyone directly make the association of waiting on a mate to waiting on Christ's return. He cautioned that we sometimes become cynical about Jesus coming back. It just doesn't seem real. Him coming to earth to get us seems like such a distant belief, far removed from "real" life. In the same way, as a single, I can become cynical that I never will get married. What if the "right" person doesn't come along? What if I'm dreaming about someone who doesn't exist? What if my past failed relationships point to the fact that every relationship I have for the rest of my life will also "fail"? This really is a cynical point of view. And honestly the place the Lord has brought my heart is a place of hope. Hope that the "right" one does exist, that these past failed relationships have been things God has used and covered with His grace. That doesn't mean I need to stop hoping.
The bigger picture I'm trying to get at is truly, truly hoping for Christ's return! I want that to be a reality, not just a "fairy tale, prince charming" sort of thing. A God who came to earth, died, rose from the dead, and is coming back again to rescue us? That is exactly it. And I love seeing this "hope" for a husband one day as a very light shadow of the hope that followers of Jesus have that He is indeed coming one day! No need to be cynical. Its gonna happen.
So arranged marriages or the western way of doing it? Who knows what's best. To each culture its own. I do love that not being able to just arrange something, but having to wait like we potentially do in American culture, clearly points to waiting on Jesus to redeem His people.
2 Timothy 4:8, "Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

Unashamed

I wake up most mornings to Indian music coming from a nearby Hindu temple. They blare it so that the entire community can hear it. This can go on pretty late into the night, as well as start up at five or six in the morning. For some reason it just seems normal here. I often don't think that much about it. Then, I'll randomly really think about it and it hits me that they are proclaiming, unashamedly, belief in their gods, in their religion.
I went to church this morning. Its about a 45 minute drive and then a couple minute trek to the building. I rode with the pastor, and on our way we picked up another pastor, the guest speaker. We get there pretty early, so I sit down in the back and just read my Bible. Both of the pastors tell me I should sit on the stage in front. Well, they more ask me if I want to. A lot of times Indians don't directly tell you to do something, they passively ask, but you can tell that that's what they want you to do. So I sit down on stage. In the mean time they ask me if I want to share my testimony or preach something. I tell them whatever they need me to do. They say, "Ok. You can have 30 minutes." haha. O Lord! 30 minutes. Please understand that last week at church I half expected them to ask me to share something, and they didn't. So this time it didn't cross my mind that they would. I was just along for the ride. So here I am with a few minutes of notice to prepare a 30 minute sermon. (Really I'm being dramatic. I had to use an interpreter, so that takes up half of the time, plus 30 minutes is fluid here.) I prayed a lot and really did feel calm about it. I went back and forth a little about what to share and settled on Hebrews 1. I might as well use something that God's been stirring in my heart.

The service starts. I felt like I was in a daze for most of the day. I think its because I literally spent the entire day yesterday by myself because there was no school, P. Banuel had a lot going on, and I don't have a lot of option to just go meet people since I can't exactly talk to them. Anyway, despite the fog I felt like my brain was in, I was amazed at the service. I felt like I had walked into a full-blown Pentecostal camp meeting. Clearly I sure didn't mind! One woman has a mic and a drum on the floor, another man has a mic, and a boy has a tambourine. The other thirty or so people join in the music with such passion and fervency, such sincerity. At one point they kept singing the same thing over and over, hands clapping, arms raised, while the pastor intensely prayed.

I was reminded of the Hindu music I hear in the mornings. They don't hold back in proclaiming their beliefs. And I was glad to see that the followers of Jesus here sure don't either. They carry their Bibles proudly as they walk to church, they sing with all of their hearts to their God. My deepest prayer for them, which actually holds true for American believers also, is that following Jesus won't be a religious ritual, but truly life. I pray that they will be able to show the people around them the true life that's found in Jesus. "In Him was life, and that life was the light of men." John 1:4

Later in the service I share. I probably only took like ten or fifteen minutes. I honestly don't know. It felt pretty rough. My interpreter isn't really all that fluent, so we stumbled quite a bit. And its hard for me to feel in my element when I know people can't understand me. But I'm excited to know that God's Word will never come back void. All I want is for those people to know the truth of God's Word, to stand strong in a culture that has a lot of other religious options, and to live in the light of Jesus. Even if all I did was get up there and read Hebrews 1, I know that the Holy Spirit will do the work He desires to do. I'm just grateful He'll use me.

Athletic Arachnids

Anyone who knows me pretty well knows that one of my greatest fears is spiders. I have no idea why. Maybe it was watching "Arachnophobia" when I was a child and remembering that scene where one of them comes out of the shower head. Or maybe it was growing up with a tarantula as a pet. Regardless of the root, I just can't stand them. Its just not right to have that many legs. Well, first day here I see a spider jump from the wall to my suitcase to catch another insect. That's correct. He jumped. And he's not the only one of that species that I've noticed here. So clearly I'm dealing with a special breed. They have athletic abilities that surpass most arachnids.
Last night I was showering and see one on the wall. I'm actually not sure if he was a jumper or not, but who has time to find out? After having a flashback to that scene I mentioned earlier, I just said a simple prayer, "O God don't let him touch me." A few seconds later, he curls up and dies. I'm not kidding. Just like that God zapped him.
Obviously, there's an explanation. His legs were wet or he drowned or something of that nature. It was just coincidence. God doesn't take time to kill little spiders. Or does He? Before I left for India, I was reading a book about prayer with the small group I'm a part of at home. The author talked about being cynical in prayer. That's a concept I never thought of. We don't pray because we don't think God will answer. And when we do pray and He answers, we write it off as coincidence. I'm totally guilty of that. But why not embrace it when He answers a prayer? Why not ask and expect Him to answer?
I have never prayed so specifically and desperately as I have this past week. I don't have the people and things to rely on that I have at home. So its forced me to pray. Which is amazing! I literally need Him for everything, for waking up, for not getting sick, for communicating, for teaching, for eating, for getting a computer to work. I've prayed with such detail, and its blowing my mind the way He has been answering.
Hebrews 1:2, 3, "But in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word." I read that yesterday and it has really impacted me. The entire universe was made through Jesus, and He sustains all things by his powerful word. This gives me more faith to pray specifically because He's literally in control of everything. Mosquitoes have been driving me nuts, so I asked Him to keep them away from me. He made them and His word sustains them, so He controls them. Why not ask him to? He can do it. He created that eight-legged guy in the bathroom. Why not ask Him to not let it touch me? I really didn't mean for Him to strike it dead, though. haha.
There's also the side of cynicism that remembers the times we pray and God doesn't answer. Maybe He has answered, but just not the way we expected. Clearly God has the prerogative to say no. But if we don't ask, we don't even give Him that option. And I'm learning that He's way more willing than I thought to answer with something other than "no".
And as far as the spider goes, I left it on the floor of the bathroom as a reminder that my God really does answer prayer. All I have to do is ask.

Progress

I followed through on the game plan to straighten my hair and wear earrings. First thing the principal comments on is how I look today. I had several women talk about my earrings and hair. Some of the girls told me I look like a "hero," which is their term for movie star. I think that's stretching it a little. I was amazed about the hair comments because, speaking the truth, straightening it doesn't really work in this humidity. So right now its looking pretty frizzy. But if they like it better, I guess I'll go with it. haha. For some reason that really makes me laugh hard. I feel like I'm playing a role in a play or something. Whatever it takes to look the part. Oh, and one new addition is I stopped wearing eye liner because I noticed some of the Hindu kids wear it. I don't want any confusion. While I want to look Indian, I'm trying to avoid looking Hindu.
I'm finally feeling more emotionally stable, which is allowing me to think outside of myself some. I'm able to turn my focus and attention toward the people around me, which clearly is my whole purpose in being here anyway! I got some names down today. I had to write them down and study them, but whatever it takes. And I want to invite some of the teachers-in-training over sometime; I just want to think and pray it through a lot first. I don't want to make any cultural blunders.
Best story of the day: I ride the school bus home from school. Now, I was homeschooled so never had to ride the bus growing up, and I hear its pretty bad. But lets be honest, no American form of transportation has anything on an Indian bus ride. They pack it in. There's literally no space to breath. It makes me smile every time I get on. Those kids are precious and have no concept of a personal bubble. Well, the first day I rode on the bus there was this one boy, probably around three, who was sitting near me not looking very happy. I tried to get him to smile. I'm pretty good with kids, especially sad ones. And he started crying. Tears streaming down his face crying. Apparently I scare him. What I'm getting at is I can see God's purpose in having me here for an extended period of time because its gonna take some time to build trust. They really don't see foreigners often, and that little boy is a great example of that. I really think my white skin freaked him out. Here's what's so encouraging: he's sitting a few rows in front of me today, and I catch him looking at me. I smile and wave. Booya! Got a wave and a smile back. So if it takes a process, a six month process, to develop relationships with people so I can share Jesus, then six months it is.

BTW: Here's a video from this past Sunday. I've been meaning to post it. We had to wade through this little river to get to the spot where we were having church. Then, P. Banuel baptised some people afterward. Baptism in India gives it a whole new meaning to me. People were all around us bathing and washing clothes and here we are baptising people. It truly was a public confession of faith in Jesus. Its really different from the tubs we have in our churches. Its amazing. Anyway, here we are crossing the river and one of the pastors slips. I happened to catch it on video. If you listen carefully you can hear me trying to stifle my laughter. I have a terrible sense of humor.

Hair, Harmony and Accessories

Pastor Banuel comes by my house this morning. He was a little earlier than he said he would be, which kind of annoyed me because I wasn't ready, but then I have to remember that this culture's sense of time is a little different than mine. So I decide to just get over being annoyed. Anyway, one of the first things he says to me is, "Do you need to buy a comb for your hair?" haha. Apparently my crazy, curly side bun that I wear at home doesn't quite fly here. How could someone not appreciate my amazing sense of style?
Then, I get to the school. The past couple of days have been WAY more encouraging as far as student interaction. I had this idea that since I've been leading their song in the morning, I would take advantage of this opportunity to teach them harmony. I mean, I might as well put my degree in music to work, right? I had a few of them sing an alto line to the chorus of "On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand." Besides a couple of flat notes, it really was decent. I thought so anyway. As we're practicing, the principal comes in plugging one of her ears and says something to the girls in Tamil. I couldn't understand what she said, but I could tell by her scowl that it wasn't good. Apparently harmony doesn't quite fly here, either.
The power went out around ten, like it does most days, so I quit on the computer for a while and went to visit some Indian girls who are at the school training to be teachers. They're English teachers, so most of them speak English well! They're really great. They ask me about my nose ring. I explain that I got it after I came to India the first time because I was inspired by Indian women. But not everyone approves of it in America. They found that pretty entertaining. Then, they ask why I don't have earrings. I do. I just rarely wear them. Indian women always wear earrings and a necklace.
They did comment on my "golden" hair and said I look like an angel. So that pretty much helped me feel better after all of my cultural shortcomings.
Lesson learned today. "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews...I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." 1 Cor. 9:19, 20a, 22b, 23.
So tomorrow I'm pulling out my straightener, sticking with melody, and wearing my pearl earrings. To the Indians, I'll become an Indian "so that by all possible means I might save some."

Life in Death

"If the leaves had not been let go to fall and wither, if the tree had not consented to be a skeleton for many months, there would be no new life rising, no bud, no flower, no fruit, no seed, no new generation." -Elisabeth Elliot (Clearly I've been reading "Passion and Purity")
Isn't that beautifully put? I find so much encouragement in going through a time or situation that can feel like "dying." There's purpose in it. There's life to be born that can only be born out of death. And that principle is all over Jesus' teaching. John 12:24, "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." Also, Mt. 10:39, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Purpose in death. I love how encouraging that is! I don't know how you walk through anything difficult without seeing hope in the distance, seeing purpose.
And I'm already seeing life born out of the struggle I've had here so far. I got to lead the girls in a song before school started today. The principle was adamant that I correct them while they sang. So I really felt a lot of freedom to teach them about music. I think I'll get to do that often. And since its a Christian school, we sing songs about Jesus. A lot of the kids who attend are Hindu, a lot of the teachers, too, for that matter, so how amazing it is for them to hear worship!
I'm also really connecting to the secretary who is in the office with me. She speaks some English. We have a lot of fun cracking up over the terrible job the printer does sometimes. So she's been a big blessing.
And I've seen God specifically answer a lot of prayers. I've been very detailed in what I've asked of Him since I've been here. I don't think I've relied on Him like this in a while. And He's proving so faithful! Great example: I sat down at the computer this morning after doing the song with the girls, and I felt horrible all of a sudden. There were these weird little splotches on my hand and I felt light-headed. And I'm like, I can't handle being sick right now. So I told the Lord that my body is His temple, He sent me here, and I really need Him to take care of me. I was basically having some spiritual warfare at the computer. haha. A lot goes on at that desk. He heard me and answered. My God has ears that hear and eyes that see. :) I felt fine after really pleading with Him for healing. Jesus makes me smile with His faithfulness!
Just want to end with one of my favorite passages that I reread today. Hebrews 12:4-9, "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons." Going through hardship shows that God loves us. How crazy is that perspective?

Annoying Hope

I literally freaked out today. I told God I can't do it. I seriously can't do this for six months. I feel so helpless, so lost, so useless. I've been sitting at a computer typing things for the school for the past two days with minimal people interaction. I really expected to be doing a lot of hands-on work with kids, especially orphans, and it doesn't look like that's gonna be the plan. I'm hating feeling alone, not really contributing anything spiritually. I really don't mind to serve by sitting at a computer. Anything that furthers His Kingdom. But I just desire more interaction. I for real can't do it this far from home, this far from anything and anyone familiar. And I was sitting there at the computer trying to think through cutting my trip short and if God would be ok with that.
I came to the conclusion that He would be ok with that.
And somehow that gave me peace.
So I'm finishing the day at the computer, thinking about how there's no way I'm staying until May when they ask me to pray for the end of the day. They sing and pray at the beginning and at the end of each school day. And then they asked me to do tomorrow morning as well as sing a song. Funny how something so small can be this little nudge from the Lord that He knows what He's doing. In a way it was annoying. I had it figured out that I couldn't do this and then Jesus goes and births that little seed of hope in me again. He's funny like that. He really won't give us more than we can handle. And when we can't go anymore, He gives us just what we need to push through.
I really don't know if I can handle this til May. But I know that I can handle today with Him.

Sacrifice

I'm sitting in Pastor Banuel's office today and nearly burst into tears; I did actually cry, but just didn't "burst." There's a difference. :)
It was my first day at the school. The children are so beautiful and wonderful. I got a lot of high-pitched "hellos," as well as intrigued looks at the blonde, white lady visiting their classroom. I know I'm going to have some great moments with them over the next few months.
Besides working with the kiddos, I'll be helping the women in the school office. I'm really grateful for my mad typing skills because they have tons of hand-written tests that need to be typed and printed. English being my first language just makes it way easier for me to knock it out than for them to do it. The issue is their computer and printer are way outdated. I mean, I've never actually seen a printer like this. It's pretty similar to a typewriter. You feed the paper manually and the cartridge moves back and forth across the page. I found myself histerically laughing to keep from being too annoyed at the inconvenience. And I think that's really my point here. Inconvenience. I ended up tearing up talking to Pastor Banuel in his office while eating my lunch, which consisted of fried rice, chicken and a boiled egg. I want so badly to just go to Kroger and buy groceries so I can cook whatever I want. I want to punch "print" and know the copier will do its job. I want to not have to be concerned about the lizard I just saw crawling across the wall. I want to know the power won't go out every day for hours at a time. haha. I'm ridiculous. This place will weed selfishness right out of you if you're American.
What I've been processing today is the idea of suffering. I read a quote from Elisabeth Elliot today:
"What kind of a God is it who asks everything of us? The same God who '...did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all; and with this gift how can he fail to lavish upon us all he has to give?' He gives all. He asks all."
So God gives all and asks us to do the same. And at first glance I would think I've given Him a lot in coming here. But then I really think about the fact that I'm sleeping in a bed with covers, staying in a house with a kitchen, washer, and a shower with potential for hot water (its just not currently working). And there are billions of people, including people on my same street here who don't have running water. People are starving to death and I'm struggling because of the spice in my rice.
I read today in Matthew how at the end of Jesus' life His followers deserted Him, and then, on the cross His Father forsook Him. And I was reminded of one of Lecrae's lines:
"How dare I compare my pain?
Your Father turned His back
And You were left to hang"
Lecrae makes a good point. Could I ever go through anything compared to what Jesus suffered? Could I ever begin to give Him enough of myself to remotely match what He gave? But what I really appreciate about my God is He does see these things I'm giving up for His Kingdom as a sacrifice. Even when things do seem remote compared to Christ's sacrifice, I'm grateful that God still accepts and rejoices over what I bring Him.
Is eating foreign food a sacrifice? Is feeling lonely and really wishing I had a husband to do this adventure with really a sacrifice? Is giving up the comfort and leisure of the U.S. possibly a sacrifice? "You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it, you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51:16-17). Seems like David realized its not about what you bring to God necessarily, but its how your heart is in the matter. If learning patience over a printer in an Indian school cuases my heart to be broken before my God, then I think that's exactly the sacrifice He wants.

Awkard, But Promising

Well, I arrived in India! I have so many things going through my brain right now; I'm not sure where to begin. For starters, I'll describe how I feel. I don't feel at all like I did last time I was here. I'm sure that's largely due to the culture shock I experienced here in '08, which this time I don't really have because I know basically what to expect. The constant noise of car horns, the smell of curry, not being suprised at people peeing on the side of the road, seeing Hindu gods scattered around the town, hearing the chantlike music playing from Muslim mosques. These seem strangely familiar to me. The crowds, the constant brushing up against someone when you're in a public area, is also strangely famliar.
However, there are some things that will take some adjusting. I'm already seeing myself having to push aside things that would be awkward in my culture and know that its normal here. A great example of this is being pushy. You'll get trampled if you're not kind of "rude". If you actually want to get off a bus, you better shove someone aside or you literally will never exit. haha. Or when the pastor's son brings some food over and is barely talking, making me wonder if he speaks English fluently. Then he sits and watches me eat the whole meal. He does actually speak English, so at least we talk eventually. haha. I just kind of have to laugh and choose to pretend I don't feel rediculously awkward in those situations.
Anyway, back to how I'm feeling. I am seriously experiencing supernatural peace and rest. Truly "peace that passes all understanding" that Phillippians 4:7 mentions. The Word of God feels so alive to me right now, an anchor. Whenever I want to have a freak out moment because of the length of time I'll be here and physically being alone, something deep in me refuses to. I know I'm where He wants me and tons of people are praying for me; those two things help immensely. And I keep having K-Kountry flashbacks to telling home-sick kampers the cure is to "focus on the right now because you can't go home." Haha. If I try to think six months at a time, I really will spaz out, so I'll just focus on the now and know that God has amazing plans for the future time here.
Overall, I really do feel so assured that this journey is going to be incredible. My God is so faithful. And I'm excited to see what unfolds, awkward moments and all.

Skills

I'm talking to Pastor Banuel the other day, trying to gather some more details about where I'll be spending the next 6 months. He asks me if I can cook. My mind immediately goes to envisioning myself trying to cook curry for 50 children in an orphanage. Now, I know from visiting India in '08 that I need to be prepared to use all kinds of skills, but this is really stretching it, especially because I have no clue how to cook anything Indian. In a panicked voice I answer yes, but quickly explain that I can't cook Indian food.
"No problem, I was just wondering so you can cook for yourself in the house you will be living in."
I seriously breathe a sigh of relief.
I know this trip will stretch me in ways I've never been stretched before, requiring me to heavily rely on Jesus for the many, "I don't know what in the world I'm doing" moments. Praise God it doesn't look like one of those moments will be cooking in an orphanage! (Watch that actually happen now). But I know I will end up teaching classes I don't know how to teach, comforting children and women I don't know how to comfort, speaking a language I don't know how to speak, even wearing clothes I don't know how to wear. Yay for saris! And I'm excited for all of those moments because it can't help but make Jesus bigger. "But he said to me, 'My grace is suffient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Please pray that as I prepare to leave for this adventure in 4 days that I will even now begin to let His power fill my weakness. And that I'll even boast in that weakness for His sake.
And for fun, here is a video of a random skill (talent?) that I used in India last time I was there.