Going to the orphanage yesterday felt like a teaser. My heart is dying to spent every moment that I'm here with them. But circumstances (more on that in the future) just won't allow it. I found myself getting really frustrated over that yesterday. I'm in India, my heart longs to love on orphans, but I can't!
And I've been finding myself getting really worked up over the treatment of women here. When I went to the engagement the other day, all of the women were in a back room while the men went through the ceremony. The bride wasn't even allowed to come. And Pastor Banuel shared with me that he likes to laugh and have fun with the women at work because they're not really allowed to laugh at home.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be extreme. Not dye-your-hair-blue extreme. Or jump-out-of-a-plane extreme (well, I probably would do that actually). But more of an all-or-nothing extreme. If I don't care about something, I really don't care about it. If I do care about something, I really care about it; I'll be highly opinionated and passionate about it. 100% all-in. Everything else, I seriously don't have an opinion or concern.
Probably the thing that gets me the most opinionated and passionate is injustice.
So clearly I've been getting really worked up about not being able to be at the orphanage when those kids need to be loved and about feeling completely helpless on how to help these women. I can't stand to see this injustice happening right before my eyes and do nothing about it.
Yesterday, I'm sitting in the car, trying to hold back tears (because I cry when I experience any emotion besides happiness. haha). And I'm seriously livid.
Then, in what felt like a bi-polar moment, God completely turned my whole attitude. He so clearly spoke to me about seeing a bigger picture. I suddenly realized that maybe spending several months with orphans wouldn't help change their lack of love in the long run. And there's no short-term fix to how women are treated. I felt like God whispered to me that He knows what He's doing with me. I need to let Him work. I caught a vision for these six months. Maybe its not just about how much I can accomplish in half-a-year. Maybe its more about what God wants to birth in me through this period of time. I'm seeing perspectives of Indian life that I wouldn't see if I was in a children's home the entire time. The last time I was in India, I didn't even notice the treatment of women. But I'm getting lots of chances to see it where I am.
Think about how many "good" opportunities Jesus passed up. He could have healed everyone in His entire nation, He could have been crowned King and delivered Israel from the oppression of the Romans. But He didn't. Not momentarily anyway. God had a bigger picture, a plan that expanded beyond Israel and the needs of the day. And Jesus followed that plan.
He largely focused on teaching and training 12 men who would spread Christianity after He left. And it worked. I'm a girl from America, sharing Jesus in India, because the message of Jesus spread eventually from Israel to the U.S.
Jesus gave up His life and was resurrected so that the entire world can be saved, not just one nation.
I may not specifically be doing what I want to do at the moment, but I have to strive to stay in tune with how God is leading me and know that He has a bigger purpose. He loves those kids and women with more extreme passion than I ever will. And He knows how to deliver them better than I ever will.
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