Awkward....or Maybe its Just Me

Something has officially majorly changed in me. I have several things I can attribute it to, but basically I feel like I finally had that deciding moment where I realized I've just got to get over it. I have to get over the fact that I'm going to have a lot of alone time here. I have to get over the fact that people will treat me like an Indian woman, not an American woman. Something in me has finally given in. I'm just resting in God, knowing He has a purpose here and is giving me grace to just seek Him and let Him do what He wants. I'm learning to go-with-the-flow, I guess you could say. And it is allowing me to truly enjoy things. This place has been a huge adjustment! Not that I still won't have my moments, I'm sure, but God really is giving me grace to see my situation and the people around me through a lens of cultural grace. I feel so much freedom in that.

Today I went to Pastor Banuel's granddaughter's first birthday party. I prayed before going that it would be good. Its so hard to tell about these kinds of things.

We arrive at the house and its packed with people. All family. I really wish someone had a video of my face initially. I smile at a few people coming in and sit down on a couch, hoping no one will really notice me.

The fist thing they do is bring out the cake and start taking pictures. My attitude is get as far away from the camera as possible. Who wants a random person in all of the family pictures? But they encourage me to squeeze in, right behind the mother and little girl. So much for avoiding the camera.

Next, several family members take turns feeding cake to the one-year-old. I'm trying really hard to blend in the background at this point. But there's just no chance I can do that. Not only am I the only person there who is not family, but I clearly stand out for other reasons, too. No way for the giant white girl to "blend in." They urge me to go feed her. I try to brush it off, saying someone else should, but they insist. So I awkwardly sit in the chair, feed Fiona, smile for a picture, and go back to my spot.

As the afternoon went on, several of the young girls begin crowding around me to talk. I think there are more English-speaking Indians around here than I think, but they're holding back on me. Several of them are very fluent; they're just shy. So we talk a lot. Eventually, several of the women come over and talk, too. They have the kids translate for the most part. Before I know it, I have them putting children in my lap to take photographs, they're asking me all kinds of questions, and several of the girls are inviting themselves to visit me in America. It was amazing.

A major thing I'm learning is these situations are only awkward to me. They think its really cool for me to come to their home and celebrate with them. They love for me to be in the photographs. This is part of the cultural lens I have to look through. What's awkward in the U.S., just isn't awkward here. And I'm starting to grasp that much more.