Annoying Hope

I literally freaked out today. I told God I can't do it. I seriously can't do this for six months. I feel so helpless, so lost, so useless. I've been sitting at a computer typing things for the school for the past two days with minimal people interaction. I really expected to be doing a lot of hands-on work with kids, especially orphans, and it doesn't look like that's gonna be the plan. I'm hating feeling alone, not really contributing anything spiritually. I really don't mind to serve by sitting at a computer. Anything that furthers His Kingdom. But I just desire more interaction. I for real can't do it this far from home, this far from anything and anyone familiar. And I was sitting there at the computer trying to think through cutting my trip short and if God would be ok with that.
I came to the conclusion that He would be ok with that.
And somehow that gave me peace.
So I'm finishing the day at the computer, thinking about how there's no way I'm staying until May when they ask me to pray for the end of the day. They sing and pray at the beginning and at the end of each school day. And then they asked me to do tomorrow morning as well as sing a song. Funny how something so small can be this little nudge from the Lord that He knows what He's doing. In a way it was annoying. I had it figured out that I couldn't do this and then Jesus goes and births that little seed of hope in me again. He's funny like that. He really won't give us more than we can handle. And when we can't go anymore, He gives us just what we need to push through.
I really don't know if I can handle this til May. But I know that I can handle today with Him.